Progeny...why i was not sent to london!

"Oh Mama! I will catch you up later," said the caller and the noise of throwing down the receiver was heard by Masarat. She was thinking and pondering with herself "Was it right to send Shakeeb to London?" The next moment it occurred to her mind that it was alright and perfect decision by her and her husband Fayaz to send their ward for higher studies to a foreign land! What could have Shakeeb learnt and experienced had he opted to stay back at Kashmir for studies like rest of his friends did. He too would have became lazy, dull and unskilled like the majority of students who pursue their studies here because in most cases the educational institutions remain closed due to the political instability. Even if the educational institutions functions, but the teaching staff is absent, so they automatically become defunct. Also in Kashmir there is no literary culture, as oratory culture prevails. Even if he finished his professional degree here, then he had to run from pillar to post in search of a job as "unemployment" is a norm in our valley, Masarat continued to deliberate with herself and was convinced that she had made the right choice. She was moreover happy about the fact that her son was pursuing education in a free, liberal, tolerant and pluralistic environment, unlike her domicile one, where every innovator, intellectual, writer and thinker are tight lipped, their minds shackled, their imagination curbed with every new idea silenced and where the illiterate Mullah frightens these people with Hell and Politician with Jail.

After a couple of weeks to this incident, Shakeeb again called home. He was excited to break the surprising, shocking and sensational news to his family regarding his marriage.

Meanwhile, Fayaz came home after a long day's work. Masarat told him about Shakeeb's phone call and they both began to count days up till his master's was over, as they were desperately awaiting his return. After a couple of weeks to this incident, Shakeeb again called home. He was excited to break the surprising, shocking and sensational news to his family regarding his marriage. Masarat was stunned to hear what Shakeeb thought to bring happiness and joy to his whole clan. She couldn't speak for a couple of minutes, and when she came out of the shock, becoming conscious that she was talking on phone, she still found herself dumbfounded. In this state, she couldn't enquire and question his beloved son, "How, when, why it happened?" Shakeeb judged that his family was against his decision, but he was reluctant to change it, even if it meant severing his ties with his family. "Ok! Mama I will call you later," said the voice and dropped over the receiver. She still was holding the receiver, as tears began to swell in her eyes. Her legs begin to tremble and she could feel her whole body shaking from head to toe. She could no longer hold her body in a standing position and just fell down on the floor with a 'thud'. She tried to sit in a proper posture. In the meantime, Shoaib, her youngest son, rushed to the mother's room on hearing the heavy sound. He tried to make her comfortable by placing her on the sofa. After giving her water and rubbing her palms and toes, Shoaib rushed to call to the family doctor, but Masarat debarred him from doing so. "What happened Mama?, asked Shoaib with deep anguish in his eyes. "Shakeeb was calling and he told me that he had married", replied Masarat with a deep choking in her voice. "Bayaji (Big Brother) has married; it's a moment of joy for all of us. Was it because of this news that you became shocked? said Shoaib, with an insight of reluctance in his words. "Yes, you think it's a merry-making moment for us all. You don't know what blunder your Bayaji has committed by marrying an alien girl. He has broken his family norms and caste commitments. Were all Kashmiri girls dead, which forced him to marry there", Masarat countered non-stop, her eyes red with rage. "Oh Mama! Despite being a post-graduate your thinking still is old and rotten. Gone are the days when caste, family background or locality used to be decisive factors while tying the nuptial knot. Now it is the other way round. I think Bayaji took the right step as he couldn't find a partner of his choice in Kashmir”, added Shoaib with a stint of victory clearly depicted by his eyes. "You instead of being remorseful, reluctant and regretful about your Bayaji's actions are trying to justify his decision so shamelessly. Get out of my sight, the T.V, print, electronic media and internet has ruined your thinking and judging faculty, so you are unable to distinguish between right and wrong!" replied Masarat with her rage turning now into anger." But what is wrong in Bayaji's decision, I can't understand. If he is happy with the girl, then what is the logic in blaming his decision?" questioned Shoaib with fearful eyes. "Get out of my sight! You too are like your Bayaji. Go and marry on your own. Who am I to you? What right do I have in your lives and issues? Do whatever seems right to you? You have depicted through your actions what I mean to you? What is my worth in your lives? "Masarat's chatting turning into full fledged shouting. She lost the distinction between Shakeeb and Shoaib continued to curse them both as if both of them have committed the same crime. Shoaib left the room following her mother's dictates, and was trying to settle scores with himself as to why his mother was so angry with him. He reached to the conclusion that mother was much resentful and angry with bayaji's marriage and finding him near hand she spitted her whole anger, on him though it was the share of Bayaji but finding him absent he had to share his burnt.

 

Masarat's whole body was shivering with pain. "What plans had I made for his marriage? Even my cousin was willing to marry his daughter with Shakeeb and he had even sent his proposal!" lamented Masarat. Though he hadn't answered her cousin in affirmative, but she was much willing for this relationship. Masarat was most afraid of the comments of her acquaintances, friends and other relationships because she in social get togethers she belonged to the "Morality Sanctioning Authority" who always passed judgments on the actions and behavior of people, describing them as "civilized" or labeling  them as "deviants". Masarat knew that marriage outside one's caste, community, culture was deviation and rebellion against the prescribed norms of the society. She also inferred that only low caste and class women in England married to the foreigners as the Royal families all over the world preserved the Royal norms and Lineage. Now she too was vulnerable to the heart rendering comments passed by this "Moral Sanctioning Authority". Now she maybe debarred from the elite circle of this society and would miss the joyous moments in which she freely indulged in backbiting and making a laughing stock out of the people's mistakes. Thinking about these circumstances made her feel sick. She was impatiently waiting for Fayaz. The time seemed to run slow, at one instance she thought of going to Fayaz's office, but held herself down thinking of the consequences her action would provoke.

 

Fayaz came and Masarat unlike the routine started narrating the whole incident, at the door not even asking Fayaz to sit out of courtesy even though she knew that he was much tired." Ok! Let me sit down and sought out things", said Fayaz helplessly. "We should take the situation realistically and stop being emotional", retorted Fayaz with a veteran look in his eyes. "What realistically and practically", gnawed Masarat. "I thought you are going to take some concrete action. You would pressure Shakeeb to divorce that discreet girl whom he married childishly out of innocence", blurted Masarat with confidence in her eyes. "What! Divorce! Be Practical. Shakeeb out of Love married this girl. If we coerce or force him to abandon his love he may out of revenge abandon us, and never come home", said a resentful Fayaz. "No! No! Don't do that. I can't bear the separation of my beloved son" said Masarat with Tear swelled eyes. "but what can we do now?" questioned Masarat. "Nothing! Just Wait and Watch" answered Fayaz. We have to own his choice and that is the way to stop the deterioration from further culmination" responded Fayaz.

 

These Firangi Gauris (White Englishwomen) are so deceptive that they make innocent boys victim of their beauty and these boys are caught up in their deceptive trap, while regretting their decision for the whole life. She might have done some Black Magic on Shakeeb, thought Masarat. Masarat lost in a deep thought began to curse the day when she offered her consent to send Shakeeb to London for higher studies. That girl must have distracted Shakeeb with her looks, otherwise my boy is still a child and so innocent. These Firangi Gauris (White Englishwomen) are so deceptive that they make innocent boys victim of their beauty and these boys are caught up in their deceptive trap, while regretting their decision for the whole life. She might have done some Black Magic on Shakeeb, thought Masarat. But this was only one face of the calamity. She thought that a lot of boys and girls now-a-days go for studies to the foreign countries, in her own clan two sons of her distant acquaintance had gone for higher studies, but came back single unlike her son. She began to pressurize her mind to think more and a dozen examples of these students came to her mind. They all finished their studies but did marry back at home. Why was it her son only the solitary case of deviation? He was a hard working dedicated and intelligent student but why did he got so distracted from studies as to think about marriage. He is still too young for marriage. Has his mind stopped working when he took this drastic step without consulting us? Was he compelled for the marriage? Did he opted for pre-martial affairs which resulted in a sin and to legitimize that Sin he was left with no option but marriage?" all these questions were hunting in her mind, but she now assured herself that she would take this situation realistically as it was Shakeeb's life and he was responsible for any dire consequences he might face. Everyday she assured her mind with these kinds of justifications but her heart was still worrying for the lost cause.

 

Meanwhile six months passed and Shakeeb came back home with his newly wed spouse Safia .Masarat saw her daughter-in-law and was stunned that she wasn't so much beautiful and blonde as she thought her to be. She was more surprised by the fact that Shakeeb introduced her with a Muslim name and was wondering that were there so many Muslims in London, but soon the reality dawned on her when she came to know that Safia's real name was Sherry and was a Coptic Christian who reverted to Islam so as to marry Shakeeb. Masarat began to suspect her religiosity as she never saw her praying or uttering such words through which she could find a clue of her Islam. Masarat though was well read and Post-Graduate which was still essence of a few elite but she wasn't fluent in English as she had lost touch with this language a long time ago. So there was a language barrier between Safia and her. Also she couldn't understand her language at times as her accent was also different. She could only communicate in broken words, with Safia.

 

Safia on the other hand found herself homesick. She was longing for her motherland despite the fact that not a week had passed since their arrival. She felt herself alienated in a hostile environment where electricity and water used to vanish into vanity quite often. The internet and phone connections weren't also working properly. When she went for jogging in the morning or for shopping the whole lot of pedestrians would assemble like spectators, as if she was an alien from a distant Planet or somebody left out from the U.F.O. This staring of people made her life miserable and she opted to stay at home to escape the embarrassment. All these factors culminated to make her life a virtual Hell. She started nagging, and was always resentful with Shakeeb for not being ready to leave for England. After ten days had passed to their arrival Shakeeb went up to his parents informing them that he was leaving tomorrow. It came as surprise to both of them, Masarat was most shocked because she thought that Shakeeb had came to stay forever, but his decision came to them awesome. Masarat had thought that Shakeeb would remain here, try for a university job here to serve his people by his capabilities. But she was wrong. "But beta (Son) you have just arrived, how can you go so soon" enquired Fayaz." And what will you do there your studies are complete" Masarat added abruptly. "Safia's Dad has arranged a job for me and I have to join soon. Inshallah I will be visiting you soon", responded Shakeeb and excused himself. The day arrived and Shakeeb left his family. His parents still advising him to take care throughout the journey, keep the strangers at arms length and be vigilant about your luggage and expenses, thinking that he still was the innocent and inexperienced Shakeeb who left for studies to an alien land virginally.

 

In the meantime more than two years have passed since Shakeeb left with the promise to visit soon. He informed his parents about the birth of his daughter. His parents were much happy but a strange misery was eating up Masarat from inside which expressed itself in her irritating behaviour and depressing attitude. She was ramifying her hopes and expectations with Shakeeb which left her high and dry. She had made plans about her son's marriage, how she would adorn Shakeeb's hand with Mehandi (Bridal Colour) and then would throw open a feast where all her near and dear one's would have been invited to relish on the mouth watering Wazwan (Kashmiri Dishes prepared during marriage).When Shakeeb would have kids, how she would feed them, teach them and love to hear from them calling her Dadi (Grandmother), but all her hopes and dreams had been shattered. She had become childless despite the fact that Shakeeb was her son. She couldn't enjoy their joy and feel the delight of her daughter-in-law and the kids playing, roaming and shouting all over the house. She missed these moments much and used to weep for Shakeeb and his gamily solitarily but always prayed for their peace and safety in her Namaz (Prayers). Could Shakeeb also feel the pain and anger, Masarat encountered everyday? But she would assure herself that he was happy in what he was doing and in his happiness lay my joy, despite the fact that the phone calls and emails from Shakeeb have become much irregular and rare.

 

Instead of coming home Shakeeb invited his parents to visit England, but due to non issuance of Passport and delay in visa, this opportunity was ruined. Whenever Masarat used to enquire Shakeeb about his visit to home, he would use dilly dally tactics citing the workload as his reason for not homecoming. Shoaib who now completed his Masters from Kashmir University was now in hunt for a job. Scores of jobs came, but he refused justifying his decisions that he didn't wish to loose his talents here by working in some third class government firm. Also Shoaib had in mind that he would be earning less money for his time if he stayed back in Kashmir, thus would remain of no match to Shakeeb in the gain of materialistic luxuries. He too was trying for a big job in some foreign country, got one and flew to conquer his dreams least thinking about the condition of his parents. Masarat wished to stop Shoaib from going abroad, but Fayaz stopped her from doing so, legitimizing his cause by stating that if they don't care for us old one's why should we? Also in this materialistic world no one was anyone's all are the worshippers of materialism. Fayaz who had retired from his service some months back would now stay at home looking after the garden and reading newspapers. Now the world seemed only to move around the house and in between them. Shakeeb and Shoaib would call only when they remembered that there were parents back home.

 

Masarat inferred from their behaviour that they only called because they wished to know whether they still were alive or dead. She lambasted were it for this reason that parents prayed for sons who couldn't even shoulder their coffin. They too were growing old and old age brings with itself a lot of diseases and sickness. Old Age in itself is a worst form of sickness. Nobody was there to look after them. Have they given birth and reared these two sons for this day? She remembered how she and Fayaz would remain awake for the whole night when they were ill so that child would sleep undisturbed and to give the medicine dosage properly. Now there was nobody to look after them! Was it the decision to send Shakeeb abroad for studies, his marriage, race for materialism, what people called Westernization or were it changing social values and norms which made children post emotional so as to leave behind their old-aged parents for their cherished dreams. What kind of goals, aims and dreams were these, where even the honorable relations like Parents couldn't carve a niche for themselves", Masarat pondered and wept over her helplessness.

Author: Mushtaq ul Haq ahmad sikandar.

(The author is a student of political science at Kashmir University and can be mailed at : sikandarmushtaq@gmail.com )

~ Mushtaq ul Haq is a frequent writer and co-editor for www.koshurpinta.com , besides he also writes for www.theintellectualonline.info