why i have never had a girl friend | owais wani

First things first , I don’t have a girl friend primarily because girls don’t like me. Now after shrugging off the responsibility of stating the obvious . I , for the benefit of my readers would like to go into the lesser known , lesser obvious and more intellectual reasons( which naturally makes them less acceptable)


I have always been devoid of fascinations and deams. When I was in kindergarten I didn’t want toys . when I was in primary classes I didn’t want video games. When I grew little older I didn’t want a bike . when I got into the “10+2” stage I didn’t want good grades. And , as expected by now , all throughout these years I didn’t think about having a girlfriend.



Modern day wisdom and hence pre-planning is not something associated with me. As such I could never hope of getting into a relation with the notion of leaving it with the it-didn’t-work-out excuse. This ,to my mind , is another strong reason of my failure on this front.

My friends when trying to play agony aunts tell me that one needs to impress a girl. Impress her with ones chivalry , knowledge , charming manners , fascinate her by building an air of secrecy round you. All these skills are alien to me .





For example , I would be the last guy to enter into a brawl with the guy who sends my "girl" greeting cards with teddies printed on them , or the one who follows her to and from her tuition classes , or the guy who “gives” her “blank-calls”.



Then comes the knowledge part . I , to the best of my knowledge , have never had any knowledge that would befit a girl. And I have never felt inclined enough to talk in front of a girl.which led to my being classified with the “silent” and “reserved” genus in girlie lingua franca . The primary reason for the lack of verbosity being the fade demarcation between what a girl would call “interesting” and “philosophizing”.



Charming manners- I wont say I lack manners . but I lack what might be called charming mnners by a girl. For example , I would pay her bus fare but I wont carry her shopping bags. I would call her daily but I wont wait in long queues to pay her telephone bills , in case she happens to have a BSNL to BSNL unlimited “plan” mobile connection. I would sneeze into my left hand rather than my handkerchief , because I never carry one.

More importantly I could never master the sophisticated verbal Urdu.

So popularized and so accepted by the gender in question.



Air of secrecy – I quite simply fail to understand how one can maintain that in spite of having a facebook profile . How ?

The street-smart reader would be quick enough to pounce on my jugular and ask- so hasn’t any girl come to like you per chance? To that a mono syllabic reply would suffice – NO.



Last but not the least , I must admit the sadist way by which I have learned from my friends’ mistakes making guinea pigs out of them ( which incidentally isn’t a pig neither does it come from guinea)