A Near Death Experience.

Reader's Digest October 2003 carries an article on Page 80 by the name, "After Life". This article deals with stories of those persons who were declared dead but by some miracle they came back to life again. Robert Milham is one such person who says his heart stopped during a heart attack: "The pain was gone. I was suspended over my body. I was looking at myself lying on the stretcher and they were putting paddles on me". After a life of selfishness, he says his brush with death made him a more giving person. My case is also same but somewhat different. I am an inhabitant of the Valley of Kashmir known over the world for its beauty but acquainted with me as a beautiful prison or awesome concentration camp.

I as usual was going to tuition situated at a walkable distance from my home. As usual in the streets of Kashmir para-military, military and other counter insurgency forces are seen and we the inhabitants have got used to their sight. At that time I was stopped by a para military trooper. He ordered me to open my bag. I did as ordered and he started frisking me. "Daadi itni lambi kyon rakhi hai? Pir Baba ho kya?" (Why have you grown such a long beard? Are you a saint?). I said nothing. When he was satisfied he asked for my identity card. When I put my fingers in my pocket and started searching for my wallet which also contained my Identity card, I became aware of the fact that I had forgot my wallet at home. I told the trooper about my helplessness and tried to impress upon him that I was only a student and a law abiding citizen. I told him that I reside nearby pointing the direction towards my colony.

This didn't impress him and he ordered other student walking nearby to stop. He told the student where do you reside? He told in the same colony. Then pointing towards me he told the student that do you know him? He answered in negative. The trooper then became furious. "Mujhe Dhoka dene chala hai?" (Are you trying to deceive me?). I said apologizing: "I reside at the same destination which I told you". "Chal gaadi mein baith" (Go and sit in that vehicle). Now when he pointed over the vehicle I came to know from the vehicle that he was not an ordinary CRPF trooper but belonging to the notorious RR (Rashtriya Rifles) against whom majority of human rights violations are attributed. I tried to plead my ignorance. "Card kay baghair kyon hai. Agar koi tum ko maar dalega to kya hoga. Saala student hokar bhi rule maloom nahi". (Why are you without an identity card? If someone kill you who will identify you then. Even being a student you bastard don't know the rules). I tried to persuade him to let me go but all in vain. I told him I was getting late for tuition classes but he didn't paid any heed. He ordered me to go and sit in the vehicle. I did as I was ordered.

All thoughts of the past came ringing in my head. I thought of my parents, siblings, friends and relationships. I prayed to Allah to erase my sins as I came to believe that I would meet my Lord in just a couple of days. I began to think how these troopers were going to behave? Will they kill me and label me as a militant and this would be the best option for them as my bearded appearance will justify their claim. Will they torture me and release me? Or will I be subjected to enforced disappearance like thousands others and this would be most torturous for my family. I began to mourn my death. After some days my dead body will be handed over to my parents saying he was killed in an unknown operation. My killing will drew a lot of condemnation. My family would publish my obituary as "We regret to announce the matyrdom of Shaheed Mushtaq-ul-Haq Ahmad Sikandar at the hands of RR troops. He was loved by all and leaves behind him a large number of friends and admirers to mourn his loss. He was presently persuing his BA second year at Amar Singh College, Srinagar. His untimely death has left a void in our lives. He was always spreading fragrance by his jovial, humourous nature but fate crumbled this young flower which was yet to bloom fully. His funeral rites will take place at 11 AM today". At the bottom of the page would be an announcement: "Women are requested not to bring any kind of food item or fruits with them". I felt very sorry for myself and for all my friends. I was most concerned about my parents especially my mother who couldn't bear the shock of my death, I thought.

My friends will come to know about my death later. I have a friend Wani who is an early riser and insists that the paper must be available early in the morning even if it is not looked at. His father will bring the paper and Wani will scan on headlines and get to have a shower and when he will be having his breakfast when his eyes will fell on news of lesser importance. When he will get to page 3, he will stop and shout that Oh! Mushtaq my friend is dead. His parents will tell him to get ready to visit my house but Wani shrugging his shoulders would say, "I have to be at college by an hour as today are my practicals. We will Insha-Allah pay a visit at evening. Wani will be occupied all day by his engineering practicals and his family will stay at home.

Mehran, my other friend who is pursuing his architecture studies at Pune will come to know about my death after he will visit his home in his vacations. When Rouf will come to know about my death he will not close at any excuse his repairing shop of mobile phones. His parents will say, "Will you close your shop today?". I am afraid I can't just close as I had a consignment to be delivered today. If I have any time, I will drop in on the way or we can call on Sunday. Rouf will not come nor will many others for whom sorrow at my demise I had already felt sorrowful.

At 11 O Clock a little crowd will collect at my graveyard. Aijaz my friend who didn't believe in attending funerals but he had to hang around as a sort of social obligation. It will be distasteful to him. Aijaz and my other friend Shakeeb who also had the same ideology that death is an unimportant event. Aijaz will tell him where are you going. I am planning to drop at Coffee Arabica. Actually I also have to visit there for an appointment with my girl friend Anjum, will be the answer of Javed.

Just then a Mullah will come to perform the rites and I would be laid solitary in my grave covered with tons of soil. All are going to weep for a week and then I will slowly disappear from their memories but the eternal loss will be borne only by my family.

I was thinking about my girlfriend Aneesa, what she will do after my death. We promised to be only each others'. And when I am gone she would really have to marry somebody else. I began to think of Faheem who always tried to win the love of Aneesa for himself. But every time Aneesa let him down because she loved only me and me from the core of her heart. But now I am gone there were chances of winning her favor by Faheem. This thought was sending chill down my spine.

I was obsessed in these thoughts when a voice made me aware of my unconsciousness. Bahar Aaja (Come Out) ordered the trooper outside, I saw 8-10 of my tuition mates who had stopped and inquired from the trooper about me and told him that I was their friend. Then the trooper believed me and let me go on one condition that I will always carry my Identity Card with me.

I was among the fortunate ones to get out so I am able to pen down my NDE (Near Death Experience).

Author : Mushtaq ul Haq Ahmad Sikander.
(The author is a student of political science at Kashmir University and can be mailed at : sikandarmushtaq@gmail.com )