Suicide cases are on the rise in Kashmir with even teenagers as young as 14, attempting suicide. Ibrahim Wani reports on an issue that is emerging as a major problem in the society. (The story appeared in Kashmirlife magazine)
When the two friends met after a long time, they talked about what had made them to leave Kashmir. Both had gone through ordeals in their lives, which were actually not their doings. Both had a profound sense of loss. Shabir had left Kashmir in 2007, and Zuhaib in 2008.
One had gone to Bangalore and the other to Delhi. When they met a week back in Kashmir on the banks of Dal, their thought went to two people, who were no longer in this world. Shabir’s thoughts went to his brother-Mursal, and Zuhaib’s went to his girlfriend, Amina. Both had committed suicide.
“I still see him in my dreams,” says Shabir. Mursal was just 16-years-old when he killed himself. “I sometimes still question myself why this happened? Why did I slap him that day?” says Shabir, with tears in his eyes. Mursal had not been a good student and was not interested in studies. He preferred to spend most of his time at his father’s pharmaceutical shop. This worried his parents.
“I wanted to become an engineer, and my brother wanted to become a salesman,” says Shabir, who is in the final year of his engineering course. On the day Mursal committed suicide, everything had seemed normal to the family. The family had to attend a get-together at a close relative’s house, who had returned from Hajj. Shabir went to meet Mursal at the shop, and told him to study for an approaching exam. He had said that he would not.
“He told me that he did not want to study. And would not appear in the exam,” says shabir. Earlier Mursal had failed in the exam, and he found little sense in continuing. “But I insisted since I thought that it would be important for his future,” says Shabir.
Tempers had built up and in the heat of the moment Shabir slapped him. Mursal ran away from the shop. Mursal did not return till late in the evening. Someone had seen him at a relative’s place, and the family heaved a sigh of relief. But it was just the beginning of worst times for the family.
At around 10 pm, a relative came rushing to their house, and said that Mursal had hanged himself. The mother collapsed and remained unconscious throughout the night. Shabir rushed to the relative’s house.
“How can I forget that day? The scene often replays in mind and gives me pain,” says Shabir. He also cannot forget the expression of his father. “It was the first time that I had seen him cry,” he says. Mursal lay in front of them, with his eyes closed. The cloth he had used as a rope around his neck had been loosened and he was on a mattress as if sleeping.
Later police came and took his body. When the police started questioning they came to know that the Mursal had eaten dinner and then gone to a room. He had bolted the door from inside. When someone had knocked on the door and got no response, they were worried. A little later, his cousin broke the door, and everyone went into an instant shock.
The police wanted a post mortem, but the family was pleading against it. A relative says that they had to bribe the police to get his body. With Mursal’s death a lot changed for the family. “At that time we were renovating our house. The work was stopped and has still not been resumed. We think of starting it this year, but my mother is against it,” he says.
The mother often blames Shabir when she is not able to control her emotions. Shabir too developed a feeling of guilt which still haunts him. “I missed my AIEEE exam as I could no longer concentrate on anything. Everything made me remember him and curse myself,” he says. That was why he decided to leave the place and go to Bangalore. Shabir’s slap had only been the trigger.
People close to the family say that Mursal would often be chastised for not taking his studies seriously. “Once he was kept in a dark room for 2 days,” says a relative adding that Mursal would often be subjected to corporal punishment by his father. Mursal would often run away from home and go to the house of the relatives where he finally committed suicide.
